To follow on the momentum of my last post, I wanted to share a few additional thoughts. Many of you reached out to me either publicly on facebook or personally to provide support and encouragement. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. I realized this week that the damage that those experiences caused were not the experiences themselves, but the lack of ability to speak about them and receive support. As a society, our parents’ generation was taught to only talk about the positive and never share our struggles with the ‘outside world.’
The problem with that is that we are all seeking connection with each other. It truly takes a village, we were not meant to be solitary beings. And to thrive we need to come together.
I don’t think my story is unique. Everyone has something they don’t talk about. Something they choose actively not to think about. Maybe I am wrong. I hope I’m wrong.
But just as I learned some very challenging behaviors from my parents, I learned some positive ones too. Our parents are doing their best. Just like we are doing our best. It is impossible to be with our children every minute of every day. So we do our best to instill in them how much we love them and respect them and know they will make good choices. That is our ultimate goal as parents.
If we have gone down a dark road, that is no ones fault nor is it the product of one negative experience or relationship. It simply is what it is. And to move forward, we must accept that.
On my path to find myself, I have disclosed very personal information about my mother. I want to acknowledge that. It was not my information to share. But our stories are intrinsically linked. My mom is my greatest supporter. Ten years ago she began her journey to sobriety. Since that time, she has worked on herself endlessly. She is not perfect, but she tries and is truly my hero. She has shown me the path to lightness and helped me begin my journey.
She has been setting an example of who to be my entire life. And she is human full of imperfections. But she does love me, very much. My challenge feeling love is in me. It is the story I tell myself to explain the bad things. Every day she shows me what can be accomplished when we try and create open lines of communication.
Perhaps the grass is not greener on the ‘other side’ but it is greener where it is watered. If we want a better world to live in, we need to water it. That means showing compassion for others, despite their faults. Creating an environment where we can speak openly and accept support from our ‘village.’ As Dr. Martin Luther King Jr so eloquently said, Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. That message applies to everyone. And we owe it to our children to live up to it.
MumGene 