Like many, the first time I heard the term “white privilege” I had no idea what it meant. It has taken me a lifetime to even begin to understand. As a child, I grew up in Durham, NC which was majority African American. This is the politically correct term that I was taught that I’m still not sure if that is the PC term or not (and yes, I have overthought this on multiple occasions, to which my college roommate can attest). I want to call people however they want to be addressed. Like Happy Holidays, I want to be the Switzerland of nouns, pronouns and adjectives. The reality is that it is what it is. Words only have the power we give them. Calling someone African American, black, person of color, etc. holds with it all of the power of calling someone ‘the other.’ But not recognizing their culture is also rude. But you cannot tell someone’s culture by the color of their skin. So what do we do? We get to know people.
Like many, I did not believe I had ‘white’ privilege. I had a less than perfect life with adversity, so surely I understood something about what ‘they’ are going through in life. My college roommate tried to tell me, but I didn’t get it. Sorry Chloe. I should have gotten to know you better. A valuable opportunity, missed. Hopefully you know that knowing you was never a waste and I would love to catch up with you any day.
My parents were both married, college educated, owned their own home, from middle class families. They were also alcoholics. So, yes, I knew adversity. But it was adversity that I could hide. My skin color does not define my opportunity. It was never a question that I would go to college. And a good one too. That I would get a decent paying job, get married, raise kids with a reliable partner. Perpetuate the American dream.
As an adult, I have now had the opportunity to get to know people that are unlike myself. People who do not have these opportunities. People who cannot even guarantee, that because of the color of their skin, they will survive a traffic stop.
Do I feel uncomfortable when I am the only one with pale skin in a room? Yes. But for no other reason than I have no idea what to say. Regular people, like you and me and I am at a loss for words. I cannot imagine what it is like to be in the reverse situation. To not know if that ‘white’ person is going to be an a-hole or not. To not know if I’m safe or not.
White people want to believe that they are ‘special’ and this is why they and their families are successful. That all it takes is hard work. And it may be that they have made good choices, but they had good choices to choose from. Those who are ancestors of slaves have fewer opportunities. It is just a fact. Look at any statistic from rate of marriage, divorce, salary, home value, and there is disparity. Poverty, crime, drugs, these exist because of the this inequity. And that isn’t to say that these things don’t effect white people or that white people are to blame. But if we continue to ignore the issue and hope it goes a way, it will only get worse. Everyone deserves to be able to provide for their family. Everyone deserves to be able to have a ‘valued’ job or role in life. Everyone deserves the opportunity to go to college.
We are all made from one egg and one sperm. But some of us, based on the color of our skin, will have more opportunities than others. My opportunity is to raise children that will believe in equal opportunity. To raise the next generation to not be a-holes. That is my ‘white’ privilege.
MumGene 