One of the most hurtful things anyone has ever said to me was that “motherhood had consumed me.” She was not wrong. Motherhood had consumed me. I am 100% a different person today than I was before I married my husband and welcomed my son in a span of only 4 months. I have spent a lot of time (more than I care to admit) wondering exactly what that meant and if it was a bad thing. To my relief, the answer was that yes, motherhood had consumed me, and that was “ok.” I like who I am now. I’m more confident in many ways, I am learning and sharing what I know with another human. I get to see him become him and enjoy the ride, loving and encouraging him . Unfortunately change is hard and it was a process to get where we are today. Calvin and I had many struggles early, and as we navigated those, together we bonded.
Some parents spend their weekends the same as they did before kids, they just include their child. Other parents create these amazing weekends filled with thrills, new experiences and FUN! And then there is me. Some weekends I am super mom and all we do are “kid friendly” activities which are fun but exhausting. Other weekends I just can’t motivate myself. As my son has gotten older and subsequently easier (yes, it gets easier. It get’s different too, but overall it IS easier), I have felt more confident doing various things with him, including things that I like to do. If you know me, then you know my child is into everything and I try to allow it within reason. Natural consequences and all of that. And to my surprise, I can reason with him at only 21 months. He may not be able to fully express himself, but he understands what I am saying. And that’s half the battle. I try not to underestimate my tiny human, but he consistently amazes me.
The first months, the first 12-15 to be exact were very hard for me. My to-do list was never ending and I did not make time for myself. But to be fair, I was still getting to know my son and starting a new job (*gulp*). I couldn’t bare the thought of sacrificing a moment of fun with him to do something for me. Doing things that I enjoyed pre-baby did not bring me the same joy as seeing my son eat pears or splash in his pool. Through the process of marriage counseling, our therapist determined that I had stopped advocating for myself. I had stopped choosing for myself and this was causing me great unhappiness. She was right. After only 2 weeks of trying to “choose” what does Sara really want, both my spouse and myself are much happier. We are feeling more connected. Naturally, my son is happier too. So, yes, I am a different person now. Accepting that has made me much more confident and satisfied by my decisions. Even though they aren’t the same ones I made before, that’s OK. I want to spend time with my family and that’s OK. I want to force my husband to get up after only 6 hours of sleep so that I can get a pedicure, that’s OK too.
Be kind to yourself mama. Priorities change. We may not be who we thought we would be. We may be putting our careers on hold. We may be losing friends. Find out who you are now and embrace that with open arms.
MumGene 